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Grand Sumo
Comfort & Sumo: Desperate Wailings of a Broken-hearted Girl 13 July 2001
When you are very, very much in love with your boyfriend and prepared to spend the rest of your life with him, and then he suddenly gives you the heave-ho, you go in for some of the most painful, excruciating experiences ever. As Jim Gerard said, "You've begun a road trip to Shock City, baby."
Last Spring my boyfriend--the love of my life--dumped me, after a year of being together. Needless to say, I was totally devastated. I no longer wanted to live. I will spare you the pitiful and gut-wrenching details of the hell that I went through and how terribly I took the break-up. Suffice it to say that it will take me several years to pick up the broken pieces and put myself back together again.
Right now I am looking for every shred of comfort I can find. I had to get rid of the post-breakup Hagen Daaz Syndrome because I started to tip the scales. So I turned to website creation, language teaching, translation, and, of course, my long-time favorite, sumo.
The kimono-clad Chiyotenzan. I took this photo from the 2nd floor of the Aichi Sports Center.
But now I just found out that my favorite sumo guy recently got married! I am aghast and disappointed. His fighting name is Chiyotenzan ("Heavenly Mountain of a Thousand Generations"). I've seen him play live several times, and visited his sumo-beya (training stable) just to see him practice. Tenzan has this rather weird way of fighting--he's got a pretty weak tachiai (starting clash) because he doesn't really clash but stops midway, yet he lowers his head and shoulders well and is able to hold his own until he gets a grip on the opponent's mawashi (loincloth) and executes his best moves: migiyotsu yorikiri (frontal force out) or migi shitatenage (right underarm throw). Anyway, he's this very nice, big but really cute guy with an easy demeanor and a winsome smile and a most lovable personality. And he's only 25 years old! Why the sudden marriage? Is the girl preggy or something???
I've been cheering for this guy since the day I got into sumo (as a voyueristic fan), and that was like four years ago. He was my ultimate favorite, I even skipped classes to watch him practice when the sumo tournament came over to Nagoya! And I took rolls and rolls of his pictures. Sigh. Why did he get married so early? Such perfect timing (ironic laughter)! Just when I was needing someone to cheer for and inspire me, he goes off and gets married to some girl. Aughh!!!
I'm not jealous. It's more of a feeling of "betrayal", actually. And I'm surprised at how betrayed I feel. Tsk tsk. Unfortunately, the world does not revolve around me, so even when I am hopelessly depressed after a horrible breakup, the guys who are supposed to be my heroes and comfort --mostly athletes, in my case-- insouciantly go ahead and "betray" me. Waaaah!!!
I thought I'd be magnanimous toward my heroes' tying the knot. I mean, OF COURSE I want them to find eternal love and live happily ever after! But right now I just feel unusually betrayed. Like, aren't they supposed to be way up there and heroic and swashbuckling singles, for my sake? (Apparently, the answer is a resounding "NO").
Sigh. Here I am, being wretched and selfish and totally self-centered. I couldn't manage to muster any happiness for Chiyotenzan. Whatever girl robbed him of his virtual availability, well, I don't like her!
Now I'm wondering what I will feel the day Michael Chang goes for nuptial bliss. I always, always assumed that I would treat it with the utmost magnanimity, I mean, I feel that the guy is my big brother. Well, at least that's how I felt back when I had a wonderful boyfriend and life was beautiful and I was willing to forgive anyone for anything. But now? With my current vulnerable state of having been dumped by the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, I would like to keep my favorite athletes free and single, thank you!
I'm pathetic, aren't I. Hypocritic, too. When I was crazy-in-love and went off to live in Cloud 9, I abandoned sumo, stopped watching my favorite athletes. And now that I got booted off the cloud, I find that when I wasn't looking, my fave sumo dude went and got hitched. Sigh. What to do? It's funny: the realization that as long as I had my own boyfriend then all the other guys unreachable or otherwise could just go ahead and marry, for as many times as they wish with as many women! But now that I'm 101% single once again, I have become possessive of them and don't want them to move a finger until after I am content and in love (with a real guy) once again!
Ach, how totally selfish of me.
I need to look for a new sumo guy to cheer for. Any recommendations? I'm all ears.
Update Sept. 27, 2001: Some friends, after reading this article, emailed and asked if I'm all right now (about the breakup). Thanks so much for your concern! Yes, I think I'm okay now. Dating once again, and watching sumo once again. I did find a new favorite, the winner of this year's autumn tournament, and from Aichi prefecture (where I live right now). His name is Kotomitsuki, and he's such a dear! Bashful, humble and self-effacing. I think I'm going to join his koenkai (official fan club) next year! =)
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Related Links Nihon Sumo Kyokai - Japan Sumo Association's English website. You can see Chiyotenzan's stats here, as well as a close-up photo of him wearing keshomawashi (decorated apron). Game, Set, Match--Chang! - my Michael Chang tribute site. Read my honest thoughts on Michael, and check out the essays written by fans from New York, Hongkong and Singapore! Surviving the Breakup of a Relationship - some good advice I found on the 'net.
